Only If for a Night
by Katherine-E-Kora
Summary: Jack merridew is back from the island...well, at least physically. In his dreams, he still sees the ones he left behind. These dreams however, are deceptive. Never trust in in what's not real...or sucky summaries. WARNING: FEELS. SO MANY FEELS. also, rated T for a dark air towards the end.
1. Fire

**Here's a short Songfic I'll be working on in my freetime~**

**It takes place after the rescue, but it also occurs as if Jack was the only one who survived.**

**The song that inspired this is: Only if For a Night by Florence and the Machine**

**WARNING: THERE ARE MANY FEELS TO BE FELT~**

**Thanksies for reading. Please Review if you have the time!**

…

**ONLY IF FOR A NIGHT**

**CHAPTER ONE: Fire**

_ Fire. That's all I can remember. Why didn't anybody run but me? Why did I even start that fire in the first place? In the midst of the jungle, all I can remember is the hungry blue flames of that inferno…and the one note that cast a proverbial haunt across its precipices; a scream. And it was mine. _

_ Had it always been mine?_

_ I can no longer remember._

_ Only the fire comes to me in my dreams. _

…

"Hey, Jack." Someone called out, "Do you know the answer?"

I snapped out of my day dreaming and looked up. "Answer to what?"

The teacher sighed and tapped her finger on the chalkboard. "Recite this poem for us, please. That is, if you memorized it like you were supposed to."

Flicking orange hair out of my face, I began.

_"I slept all day._

_ The birds do thus;_

_ That sing awhile_

_ At eve for us._

_ To have you soon_

_ I gave away-_

_ Well satisfied_

_ To give- a day._

_ Life's not so short_

_ I care to keep_

_ The unhappy days;_

_ I choose to sleep."_

"Good, good!" The teacher praised. Her obnoxious blonde poof of hair bounced up and down as she clapped. "Perfect. Thank you, Jack."

I didn't answer. Instead, I took up my things and pushed away from my desk, deciding it was the perfect time to leave. Everyone just stared as I went out the door and disappeared. Nobody even tried to stop me. Without interruption, I could wander the halls and reminisce.

My feet drug me to the choir room. Not the place I wanted to go, and definitely not my favorite place in the school. It was empty, as was usual these days. Nobody ever came here anymore. Because, truth be told, there was no more choir.

Only me.

I stood at the conductor's podium and stared out at the empty stands. Some still had name tags hanging off the edges, worn and tattered from mistreatment and neglect.

There, in the center; Sam and Eric in screwy, almost identical lettering. Off to the side, Maurice had drawn a large M with a stick figure on top. Nobody really knew why; nobody questioned it either. I mean, it was Maurice, after all. The worst one, the one that hurt the most, was in the very front on the very edge. Roger's old place.

Of all the death's, his and Ralph's were perhaps the worst. Because Roger was my best friend, perhaps my only friend. And Ralph…

…we could've been great friends.

Without knowing it, I started to sob. Shit. I hated crying, especially over something so trivial and dumb. There was nothing I could ever do to bring them back. There was nothing I could ever do to release the pain. Maybe if I closed my eyes and never woke up, I could stay in my dreams forever and I could be happy again.

Maybe, if we ever invented a time machine, I could go back and die in their place.

….

That night, I had a dream…


	2. Dream

ONLY IF FOR A NIGHT

CHAPTER TWO: Dream

I vaguely recognized the place. It was so strange, because of its familiarity and mystery all together I knew it yet the place felt completely new to me. The place was a meadow, nestled amongst shivering, dark, looming forest trees. The kind of trees I now dared not to enter. Having nowhere else to go, I sat down in the field's center and looked upward. Where the sky should have been, there was only the tree's branches. They tangled around each other to form a barrier between me and the sun. I felt a pang of loneliness hit me suddenly.

"Do you like it here?" A familiar voice crooned, "I do. I wish the place were mine…but I have other places to be." I turned and saw a boy emerge from the forest, wearing tattered clothing and a friendly expression. He came to a halt and glanced over the flowers.

"R-Ralph?!" I choked, "But you're…"

"Dead?" He answered, "That's not true. Our thoughts create our world, Jack."

What did that mean? Did it mean he was alive? If so, I would find him; him and all the others.

"This is a dream, right?" I asked, hoping he would answer no. He nodded.

"It's only what you make it; therefore, it is a dream."

"Oh…"

There was a silence, filled with bird-noises and the chirping of beetles, in which Ralph crossed over and stood over me. His gaze was like that of a teacher, filled with expectations and wisdom beyond comprehension. I stared back in awe.

"This is a dream." He repeated, "But for you, it will also be an important lesson, do you hear?"

"What do you mean?"

"I want you to listen closely to all the things we tell you. I want you to remember each one and keep them close to your heart. This is important. Don't ever forget."

"O-ok." I stammered. I didn't know what he was talking about.

"Wake up."

And I did.

…..

From that moment on, I looked forward to sleep. I took any opportunity to escape into my dreams. In class, at the dinner table, during therapy sessions, in the car, on the bus. But no dreams ever came. After a week of waiting and wishing, I was starting to think that the vision had meant nothing. I shouldn't have put so much hope into it. What was I thinking, trusting such a silly notion as a dream? Dreams are for fools, as only fools invest their lives in dreaming.

It was a Wednesday night, and I was mindlessly watching a blank TV screen. It had been turned off for a few hours now. Before I knew it, I began nodding off slowly, slumped against the plush surface of the couch.

And before I knew it, I started to dream.

Although, my reception wasn't as warm as I expected. The first thing that registered was a smack to the back of my head, I fell forward and gasped in pain as my chin hit a rock and split open.

"What the-"

"-heck were you-"

"-Thinking, Jack Merridew?"

Two voices, similarly different, complained to me. It was a sound for sore ears and a sight for sore eyes.

"Samneric!" I shouted, picking myself up, "What're you doing here?"

"That's not the point." Sam said.

"What are _you_ doing?" Eric continued.

I frowned and picked myself up off the ground, my chin dripped red warmth. "What do you mean?" The warmth from the blood quickly spread throughout my whole body, sending shivers up my spine and rust in my nose.

"You just don't-"

"-get it, do you, Jack?" They said rhythmically. The blood washed over my fingers, drowning my senses.

"What?!" I asked again, suddenly angry.

"You try to get here-"

"-To this place-"

"by your own ways."

"That's not how it works."

They finished with a smile and a nod. Already, Samneric were starting to fade.

"Don't leave." I wailed. "don't you have to teach me a lesson or something?!" Samoreric frowned and looked at the other twin.

"…"

"…"

And they were gone.

When I opened my eyes, I expected to be back at home, on the couch. But instead, it was just another dream. I was on the beach this time, the waves pounding against the sand and keeping time in place of Samneric's voices. In the midst of the water, a familiar shape hummed a tune.

"Ralph!" I exclaimed excitedly. He didn't move, but stopped humming.

"Jack." He said flatly, "tell me what you learned tonight."

I came up with nothing; a loss of words is what I thought it might be called. There was nothing really that stuck with me…

"I didn't learn anything." I shot back. The blood flowed faster, enveloping me in its sickly sweet scent. Looking down, I saw that I was almost entirely coated in the stuff. There was no way I could have been hurt that bad! Ralph stood up, walking towards me; I was a statue. If he touched me, I might just shatter into a million tiny pieces.

"Yes, you did." He stated, "Remember this and remember it well: The world of our dreams and the world below go hand in hand. Don't let one outweigh the other, because they are both just as important. They work together, both pulling equal loads, and make up who we become. Stop living in your dreams. Put them to work and improve that world below."

He jabbed my chest with a finger at his last words, rippling my vision. My eyes were locked with his; I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. The blood was suffocating me! I tried to open my mouth and scream for him to help me, for the love of God, help me. But nothing worked.

If I move

I'll break

Into a million tiny pieces.

So don't move

Don't even breathe

Just…

Look…

Slowly, I felt my body warping. His blue eyes sucked my attention into them, and before I knew it, I woke up panting on my couch, a little trickle of blood rolling down my chin with the tears.


	3. Smile

**Yay! I really love writing this, however short it may be. I think there's only gonna be two or three more chapters. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. I'll get back on top of my other projects soon, this is just something to occupy my mind with its latest serious, depression phase. I promise, EPT is still going to be released this week. In fact, it's nearly finished. I just need to add some finishing touches. Please be content with this though, for the moment! LUVS AND CUDDLES~**

**-Kat**

…**.**

Chapter Three: Smile

"I've been watching you for quite a while now." Ralph admitted, "You _are_ balancing you're priorities better…"

I continued to stare at the sky. We were at the beach again; I always knew Ralph would be there if I dreamt of the beach. Although, for some reason, it was never daytime here. In the forest, there was at least an illusion of sun; chirping birds and warm air told me that somewhere, somewhere deep in the jungle beyond those trees and their tangling branches, day existed. But here…it was always cold. Cold and dark, and night. Ralph says it's not his fault, he can't do anything to control it.

Only I can.

"Of course I'm better," I scoffed. It's only because I knew I'd be able to see him sooner if I listened. I'd never tell him that though. Then, he might not ever let me come back.

"So," Ralph sighed, "Time for the next lesson."

"Are you going to teach me?" I asked hopefully.

"No." He smiled, "It's someone else's turn. My turn is later."

I turned my head a bit and frowned, slowly blinking. When I opened my eyes again, I found myself overtaken with surprise.

"AAAH!" I screamed, scrambling backwards. Two large, grey eyes happily met mine.

"It's time to turn that frown upside-down!" His voice sang. The boy danced farther away from me, yet stayed within the confines of my new place. I was in the meadow again.

"Wha-What? Maurice?" I squeaked, "Ah-What the hell?"

Maurice wagged a finger at me and started to scale a nearby tree. He disappeared into the leaves and branches above. I stood up.

"Get out of there, you crazy bastard!" I shouted, standing up quickly and jumping, trying for the leaves above, "I just got here, you can't leave yet!" An angry growl worked its way out of my throat. Leaves rustled and branches bowed overhead, but still there was no sign of Maurice. I huffed and put my hands on my hips. "Fuck-ACK!"

Suddenly, something sharply jabbed my shoulder. I spun around and lashed out blindly at my assailant. As to be expected, it was Maurice, hanging by his knees on an overhanging limb, gently swinging back and forth, and grinning like a lunatic. His curly brown hair stuck up in all directions, donning some twigs from his expedition into the canopy. "Boo." He laughed. I scowled.

"That's not funny." I whined.

"Yeah, it kinda is." He flipped down, out of the tree. Without a pause, he continued, "Hey, you wanna hear a funny joke?"

"No."

"Knock knock." Maurice said anyway.

I groaned, "Who's there?"

"Maurice."

"Maurice who?"

"Maurice, that's who!" He rolled onto the ground and stopped mid-summersault, peering at me upside-down through his legs. He was still laughing and smiling. My lips pricked up just a bit.

"Did you know," He added, "That if you put your headphones into your nose and open your mouth, you can be a speaker?"

I fell down purposely and chuckled, "No way, really?!"

"Yes way!" He shot back, sitting upright beside me. "Try it for me sometime, Ok?"

"Definitely man!" He held out his fist and I returned the offer, giving him a fist-bump. We used to do this all the time. Actually, right before the hunt, before we set out that last day, he had done the same thing. It was my last memory of Maurice; the last thing we had done together. Fist-bump.

He closed his eyes and smiled even wider, getting a little shimmery at the edges. For those last few moments, those precious fleeting seconds, we sat there and talked. He told me about all the things I already knew.

"Remember that time in Faversham? Roger stole Robert's clothes right out of the kid's suitcase and poor Rob ran around the hotel completely naked!"

"Yeah." I answered solemnly, putting all my effort into my smile. If it really was Maurice…I wanted him to remember me with a smile. "That was hilarious."

"Oh! And that one concert, the one in London! I kept screaming my notes instead of singing them! The look on the queen's face…Priceless."

"I'd completely forgotten!" I laughed, "The school was so pissed!"

"'You sounded like banshees!'" Maurice mocked their choir teacher, Mrs. Moore, in a stuffy voice, "'I don't know what's worse! The fact that you sound like banshees, or the fact that Banshees are Scottish! Those filthy scots!'"

I couldn't stop laughing, but nor the crying. I briefly wished my body would decide which emotion to show. "She still hates the scots!" I exclaimed weakly. Already, I realized that the crazy bastard was leaving me. His job was done…

"She'll always hate the scots!" His voice seemed farther off somehow, more distant. He was fading.

"Maurice." I called.

"Jack, make sure to empty out my desk at school for me, would ya'?"

"Maurice."

"I think my lunch from last year is still in there! Haha!"

"Maurice."

"Oh, and tell me how that headphone thing goes-"

"Maurice?" I asked quietly. Only birds answered. I didn't even bother turning my head.

I already knew

Maurice was gone

His lesson…

…Smile.

It was my only memory of him.

Later, when I woke up, I unraveled my headphones quickly. I turned up the volume loud, my open mouth forming quickly into a grin. I was still laughing when my parents came in to shush me.

"Jack, Jack, it's three in the morning!" Mum whispered tiredly.

"Honey, he's gone off the edge!" Da said angrily. "Just leave him be, it'll wear off eventually."

"Ohh…" Mum fretted, "Jack, what's wrong?"

I clutched my sides. They hurt from laughing; it was a good hurt, one I hadn't felt in a while.

"Maurice…" I spluttered.

Mum and da were silent. How stupid I must of looked, in a laughter coma, headphones jammed up my nose, saying the names of dead children, and all so early in the morning…

"Maurice," I finally giggled, "Maurice, you crazy fucking bastard, you were right!"

…

**What did you think? Please review! Thanks for reading!**


	4. Night

**I apologize in advanced for any errors in spelling or grammar. I was multi-tasking…**

**So, this chapter…yeah…It gets kinda dark. Just warning you.**

**BTW- that poem used in chapter one, just though I'd point out that it isn't mine. It belongs to the awesome, amazing, awe-inspiring Robert Frost. I forgot to give him credit in the author's notes…SORRY ROBERT FROST! I STILL LOVE YOU, DON'T BE SAD!**

**Yeah, well, enjoy.**

…

Chapter four: Night

One week is all it took. My teachers even noticed the changes, as dense as they were. I was laughing again, becoming almost normal. And, although I still made after-school trips to the decrepit choir classroom, there was an old habit I had picked up.

I was singing again.

Today, I was particularly tired. It was Friday, the last day of classes until after thanksgiving, and the air was crisp and crunchy. I had propped open the windows in the choir room, letting the cold wash in. I sat down. Something clicked to the floor as I did, disturbed by the slight movement. My hands instinctively went to it, bringing it closer. It was a thin, metal plate with neat cursive writing. Unfortunately, it was so smudged I couldn't read what it said. A chill ran up my spine.

"Probably just a littlun's old tag." I dismissed, setting the object to the side, "Must've forgotten to pick it up…"

I sat there, unmoving, for a long while. Leaves blew in from the open windows. Slowly, I felt tiredness creeping up on me. I was nodding off…

No use in fighting it.

My head slammed into the metal bleachers in front of me, and I blacked out.

The first thing I registered was the warmth. It spread throughout my body, making fingers and toes mobile again. I could already tell, I was in the meadow again.

"You wanna know what I hate the most about being dead?" A familiar voice asked, dripping with sarcasm.

I didn't answer.

"I'm stuck in this stupid, fucking, ass-hat of a uniform for the rest of eternity."

I opened my eyes. I only ever knew one person who could shoot off that many cusses in one sentence so shamelessly.

"Roger!" I laughed, "It's been awhile!" He still looked the same, in his choir uniform, black hair sleeked down. Roger threw me a sneer.

"That's 'cause I'm Fucking dead, Jack." He stated. I looked away shamefully; it was all my fault. He continued on, without a single breath's pause, "You know, I was one of those people who thought they'd never die. I was invincible…I was-!"

"Roger Williams." I blurted out, "You were Roger Williams, class 10A, alto." His smile faded.

"I was named after the writer, you know." He pointed out crossly.

"That's rather unfitting."

"Tell me about it." He sighed and leaned back in the grass, removing his black cap and tossing it repeatedly into the air. He seemed angry again. Classic Roger.

"It's not my fault you're perpetually pissed off at everything…" I muttered half to myself, laying down a few feet away. He heard me pretty easily.

"Well," He retorted in good humor, "Seeing as how I'm dead, I can be eternally pissed off." Roger smiled and chuckled to himself. I tried not to let it get to me; He could be so…so…dense…sometimes. "Oh, come on, Jack." He shoved me lightly, seeing that I had shut down. "Hey, I was just joking."

"No, it's really not that funny." I commented bitterly.

"Whatever." He sighed and sat up, spinning his black choir cap around on a finger. "But, you really should get over it. After all, I'm only here for a night."

I jolted up as well. "Where do you go after that?!"

Roger returned my worried glare uneasily, then averted his deep crimson eyes. "Hell, probably." He muttered, "Don't be so sad, Jack. Honestly, you should have expected it. Where do you think people like me go? Certainly not to heaven, that's for sure." There was a rustling in a nearby bush. He turned to it and smiled warmly. "Speaking of heaven, we have a guest."

"Hm?"

A small boy with dark, almost black hair and tan skin stepped into the meadow and winked two, ig, green eyes. He fluttered over to us, sitting on his knees and examining the scene with a detached interest.

"Who are you?" I asked.

It's hard to explain exactly what it sounded like when he spoke. It was light and airy and seemed as if a thousand voices were speaking all at once, but at the same time, there was no noise at all.

"It's me, Simon."

"You forgot all about him, didn't you?" Roger asked. I couldn't say anything; I couldn't think of anything appropriate to say. Suddenly, I remembered the seat tag I had picked up off the floor in the choir room. It had to be Simon's. I even had it in my hands…and still…I had forgotten.

"Jack, I forgive you. I have for a long time now. We can't hold on to such foolish things." Simon spoke again. He placed a tiny hand on one of mine and instantly I was flooded with warm thoufghts and emotions. It was comforting, wonderful.

"I'm so sorry Simon…" I whispered. He smiled and let go of my hand. "What-"

"Tag, you're it!" Simon tapped my shoulder and ran off into the woods, leaving me and roger sitting dumbfounded in the flowers. I unsurely reached out and stood up, punching Roger in the arm lightly.

"You're it?" I offered.

"You better run!" He sprinted after as I took off, and we raced around the meadow. Roger tackled me, dubbed me it, and ran off into the forest laughing. Without thinking twice about it, I followed after him.

There was a stirred shadow in the corner of my vision. The birds and insects had stopped conversing, and the only noise was a constant, high-pitched, ringing. I shook my head to clear it, an d saw that the shadow had only been Simon. He stood amongst the darkness so that only his glowing green eyes were visible. He blinked once. A certain insanity clouded his stare and his grin. Either way, I reached out and grazed his arm with my fingers.

"You're it, Si." I laughed lightly. He grinned wider, a smile stretched out across pale white teeth.

"The game's over, Jack." He crooned, stepping into the light. It was a strange light, not at all like I'd thought it would be. An eerie moon watched fervently from up above, I could see now. There was no day hidden in these woods. Only night. I turned back to Simon and gasped, pulling my hands over my mouth. God…Simon was…He was…

"Don't you want to play a new game with me Jack?" He called, reaching forward, "Why won't you play with me?" In some parts of his arm, the bone was visible and flesh had been torn away. On closer examination, it wasn't just his arm…but his whole body that had been torn to pieces. There was a single, clean hole in the palm of each broken hand. Suddenly and without warning, he started to bleed profusely from every visible orifice.

"Let's play 'hunters'." He said with the smile. I choked again, and shook my head.

"Nonononononononono…" I cried. I blinked once, and Simon convulsed and shivered, shaking loose his red skin and swirling into the moonlit sky in the form of a cawing blackbird. Someone tapped my shoulder and I spun around, still mortified.

"I've been looking all over for you Jack!" Roger chuckled darkly, "You have no idea what trouble I've been through!"

"Thank God, Roger, it's just you!" I sobbed, "I don't want to play this game anymore. Please, I just want to go back to the meadow!"

Roger's smile faded and a menacing look slipped into his eyes. "Aw, but now we can play properly." He murmured lowly.

'H-How."

There was a pause, filled only with silence. Then:

His smile returned.

The smile of a savage.

This was not my Roger, not the one I knew. This was savage Roger, face painted with mud and blood and clay. "I've sharpened a stick at both ends."

Before I could double back and escape, Roger pinned me down. I saw a knife in his hand and tried to squirm free; it was no use. He traced my neck with the edge of the blade.

"It's a sacrifice for the beast!" He shouted above my screaming. A stab of pain ripped through me as the knife cut into my jugular. Blood poured out of the wound and I struggled to clutch at it, to do anything at all to stop the river. My screaming continued in the background, although I had long since lost the strength to do that.

I closed my eyes, waiting for the end.

"Jack." A calm voice broke into my thoughts. The weight of Roger vanished. "Open your eyes, Jack."

A rushing noise repeated itself over and over again. I reached out curiously and found that I was no longer ion the forest. I was on the beach.

I shot up and opened my eyes. Water lapped at my ankles, tore at my shorts. The noise I had heard before didn't have a source; there was no shore, just endless, crystal-clear, ankle-deep water. I was sitting in it, staring in the direction of a bright red moon. Ralph stood in front of me, partially blocking out the moon's iridescent surface.

"You're safe here." He affirmed, "But you must never go into those woods again."

"What's so bad about those woods," I gasped, losing my voice a little, "What's happening? Why did Roger try to kill me? And Simon…What's in those woods?!"

Ralph turned to me and responded flatly.

"You."

…

_Sins._

_The constitution_

_Of nightmares_

_I am broken._

_My dreams may come_

_Wish the nightmares away_

_But I can never tell which is which_

_Sins hide my discernment_

_I can never tell the difference._

…

**So, how was it? Creepy, right? Thank you for reading and sticking with me, you guys! Please Review if you have the time!**


	5. Drug

**Short chapter is short. Oh well. I have to prepare for a choir concert that's happening soon…and by soon I mean tomorrow. **

**I love this song by the way. I listened to it while writing this. It's so sad…*sniff***

_**Departure (Piano+Guitar) from Rurouni Kenshin**_

_**Also, deep sea girl, piano accord, by hatsune miku.**_

**Also, we're nearing the end of this fic. I'm indescicive on how to end it…There are two possible scenarios, at least in my mind. So, I'll try to hurry it on up and post it up real soon. As always, LotF doesn't belong to me. You should know that…I hope.**

**BEWARE! FEELS.**

…**.**

Chapter five: Drug

"Jack?" A soft voice called, "Jack, are you ok?" I slowly looked upwards and met the eyes of Mrs. Cindy, the psychologist. She looked down at me with crystal blue eyes, too-blonde hair framing her pretty face. For some reason, she reminded me today of Ralph. "Jack, what's wrong? You were doing so well last time we met."

I didn't say anything. I just kept staring at the floor like it was the most interesting thing I had ever seen in my whole life. Perhaps it was, and I just had never known it. Oak paneling lapping at each other's sides, caressing each grain, each one was so similar…yet so different. Like the meadow; how I could never seem to put a finger on where I was exactly when I was there. At the same time though, I knew the place like it was home. I'd been there before. I was so sure of it!

"Jack." Mrs. Cindy adamantly broke in, "I need you to talk to me. Did something happen at school? Is somebody picking on you?"

"…No ma'am. Nothing happened at school. Nobody's picking on me." I responded obediently and quietly, still having a conversation with the floor through my eyes. She sighed and scribbled something down on her notepad.

"What's wrong, Jack?"

She kept saying my name like _that._ I didn't like it. Still, I wanted to go home, so I tried to answer as truthfully as possible without telling her what was really happening. For some unexplainable reason, I didn't want her to know; I didn't want anybody to know. These dreams, or nightmares, were mine. Plus, she might think I was crazy and put me in one of those asylums or something; because, lately, the nightmare part had started to become a lot more vivid. I hadn't seen Ralph in such a long time…Only savages who chased me along pathways of silence and a red moon that gave off no light. I almost always woke up right before I died…But…Last night…I…I had been on the beach again. I had seen the others, sitting some distance off without me. They had been waiting, I heard them tell me. They had been waiting for me for so long…I needed to go to them, but I didn't know how. Every time I got closer, it was like I wasn't even there. They couldn't see me, or they'd vanish; slip through my fingers once again. I shook my head and came back to the present.

"I can't sleep." I said almost truthfully.

She sighed again and scribbled more on the notepad, tapping the bridge of her nose gently with the pen when she had finished. Then, Mrs. Cindy looked up and smiled gently. "Thank you. See, was that all that hard?" She laughed lightly, not mocking, but friendly, "We're all just trying to help you here, Jack. Now that I know what's wrong, I can prescribe something that will help even more than I can. How does that sound? Good?"

I nodded and buried my face between my knees, trying to close my eyes for a moment. The room itself was just noise to me; there was of course the floor, which seemed to call for all my attention, but in addition to that, there were the large white walls, pale and yellowing in the afternoon sunlight. A coffee table, also modern and white, sat in between Mrs. Cindy's chair and my own. Two of the walls were made completely of glass, revealing the golden forest outside. That forest was nothing like the one in my dreams; far too green and living and breathing to be even remotely similar. Thus, I shunned it. It's only what it deserved.

"That sounds very good." I responded, detached and quite sure she wasn't listening anymore. My suspicions were confirmed when, only a moment later, footsteps echoed around my chair. She hadn't even been in the room. Fantastic.

Mrs. Cindy opened one of my hands and forced my fingers around something plastic and small. "These are sleeping pills." She said, "Take only one a night, maybe two if your parents say so, alright?"

"Yes'm." I choked a reply. I had started to sob again. She wrapped an arm over my shoulders while I wept, not saying a word. At times, especially ones like this, it was almost like she wasn't my therapist at all, but more like a mom or a grandma or something. Eventually, my crying grew in intensity. I didn't know exactly what I was crying about…but I did anyway. Maybe all this pent-up emotion was getting to me after all. Maybe I wasn't as strong as I always thought I was. Maybe I was a coward! Maybe….Maybe…

…I…I…I just…please…

"I…just…want…my…friends back!" I screamed through the tears, "I should've…Why? Why…did it have to be them? Not me?! I would…give anything…anything in this whole…wide world…just to see them…to really see them…!"

"Jack, it's ok." The woman at my shoulder crooned, "We all have things we need to let go of."

I shook her off and ran out of the room, that stupid room and all its confines. "I DON'T WANT TO LET GO!" I shrieked, "Please…I don't want to… forget you…I don't want to forget anymore…"

Stay

Don't…

Don't go…

Don't leave me…

You're...

Running away?

Already

So soon?

You

Would leave me

Like this?

Stay

Please

Don't…

Don't…

Don't…

"…Please don't leave me here alone…"


	6. Water

**Heya hey hay! I put off doing homework to write this…I DID IT 4 UUUUUUU!**

**Anyway, in all that's been going on, I kinda sorta forgot to thank all of you wonderful people who read and review. THANK YOU! YOU MAKE MY DAY! 3**

**Also, WALKING DEAD SEASON THREE ADSFKJDASGHAJH.**

**Ok, so now that my silliness is over, I have some actual announcements..**

**First, I'm sorry for not updating on time for my fics…better late than never, amiright?**

**Second, I have a lot I'm working on right now, so I'm probably going to less on time than usual.**

**Third, the music for this fic is posted at the bottom of my profile page, so if you're interested, look there. Some people are bothered when I post the musics here, sooo….yeah.**

**Thanks again for putting up with me!**

…

**Chapter Six: Water**

_The blue closed over me, enveloping me_

_The water embraced my body_

_Recgonizing me_

_As a person_

_That I could die_

_And I could_

_So I did…_

….

"Jack!" A strained whisper reached my ears

"Hmmm?"

"Jack, wake up!" The voice said again, louder this time, "Wake up, before the teacher catches you! This is the third time today!"

I sighed and turned a bit so that my face wasn't pressed up against the cold surface of the desk. Frannie, a little Scottish girl in my class, stared at me with big blue eyes. They resembled the water from my dream; and her hair…looked like fire. She had woken me, again. I almost felt bad about falling asleep in class then. It caused other people too much trouble. But, it's not like I could help it. Those drugs Mrs. Cindy gave me were helpful at night but not during the day…I can't stop sleeping.

Maybe I overdosed.

Before the teacher returned, I pushed myself out of my desk and stumbled into the hall. Fog clouded my mind, swirling in dusty circles. I tried to clear it. Nothing. Not really in control of my mental facilities, I wandered around the school until the final bell rang. Students streamed out into the hallways, pushing me this way and that. Images flashed around me, surfacing in the mist of my mind.

A fire

Screams

Simons eyes as we killed him

That boy Piggy; he hadn't visited me yet. Probably never would.

Maurice that final minute before the hunt

The island

Ralph

Somehow, I ended up in the choir classroom. When the mist finally lifted, I was sitting in the shattered glass of the window, cold air blasting my face, scattered notes broken around me on crumpled white sheets of paper. Everything was toppled over, aside from the stands. Had I done this? I couldn't remember…Though the evidence was surely there. My hands bled from the glass where I might have punched it in. Something brushed my cheek lightly. I jumped and pressed myself against the wall. Ralph stared at me with disappointed blue eyes.

"You haven't been visiting me." He said plainly, "I have been waiting for a while."

"H-how?!" I stammered. How was he here?! He was just another part of my dream, wasn't he? How…There was an artificial air about him, however. A slight shimmer in the air that made me believe that all this was merely another figment of my wild imagination.

"Those drugs are…" Ralph started, then shook his head. "Never mind. You've just taken one too many, that's all." I bit my lower lip. Was any of this real? Could I even trust myself anymore?

"G-go away!" I screamed. Frantically, my hand found a drumstick from one of the knocked over kits, and I threw it at him. The object flew right through him, splintering against the far wall. Without thinking, I hurled myself at the rogue spirit. The same thing happened to my body. I stood up, rushed and out of breath, and looked around. There was no one there. Hot tears rolled down my cheeks, cutting tracks in the blood where my hands had left it. I was a mess, and not the hot kind. But I had always known that, hadn't I?

"I'm…" I was stopped by the tears. They were persistent in blocking any attempts at talking. I pushed them out of the way with a blood-soaked sleeve. "I'm sorry…please come back…I didn't mean it."

"What was that?"

"I said I'm sorry!" I screamed louder. Something gripped my shoulder.

"Jack!" A voice cried, "What are you blathering on about? I've been sitting here for ten minutes, at least! You threw a freaking drumstick at me! What's wrong with you? I've been looking everywhere!"

I looked up. It was only my teacher…What had she seen? What did I look like, from her perspective? "Ma'am, I-"

"Save it, Merridew." She ordered, "And clean yourself up. You look like you've been through a meat cleaver. You're parents are worried sick about you as it is…" I wiped my nose with my sleeve and used the wall to pick myself up. My hands really were covered in blood, so that part was real. The choir room was a real mess as well. The teacher dragged me out into the hall, off to the office where my family was probably waiting. Everything was dark, the lights had been turned off and the moon had risen in the sky. How long had I been here? I wasn't sure I wanted to know. Something clattered out of my pocket and onto the tile flooring. The teacher stopped in her tracks, stooping to pick it up for me since I was obviously too out of it to notice.

"Is this yours?" She softly said, placing it in my hands. The object was a metal name plate, like one from the choir stands. It looked new, but had blood all over the edges like someone had cut themselves trying to pry it off without a screwdriver. In my handwriting, sloppy yet recognizable, was one word. It was a potent word. It was a word I had said little, yet thought of often. Something that stuck to my tongue on its way out of my mouth, like peanut butter.

Ralph

I had made this tag for him

Because…Because…

That night, I had a dream.

….

**Dun dun dun…Recognize that last line? Yeah, I thought you would…If you don't, I'm just telling you, it's from the first chapter. Also, I'm sorry for being confusing about how everyone died. They died in the fire, just in case you couldn't tell from the intro to the first chapter…Sorry **

**Now, time for REVIEW RESPONSE!**

_**All-uu-need-is-love and 11oclock~**_

**Thanks! I'm glad you like it, and I hope you'll continue to read! Thank you for reviewing!**

_**AzmariaHarmony**_

**I'm also glad you like it! I answered your question above, I believe. **

_**Melonkatze**_

**YOU'RE BACK! XD it's the meloncat! I'm very pleased that you enjoy all my fics. Not many people read them, so I'm happy that you do!**

_**Princess Warrior**_

**IT IS THE BEST BOOK EVER. OF ALL TIME. It's interesting that you read it for a world lit class though….hmm… **

**And yes, Jack was a really interesting character. He's so driven by emotions, it's insane. So, I had a very hard time trying to find an environment, and come up with a place where I could put him. This fic came to me while I was listening to my IPod one day and I just thought: BY JOVES, I'VE GOT IT! XD. Anyway, yeah. I'm having a sweet time writing this. I'm glad you like it!**

'_**Kat'**_

**First off, I don't like your choice in alias. That disturbs ME. It makes me feel like you are mocking me in some way. **

**Second, this is a FANFICTION. Clearly stated by the fact that you are on . There are much more disturbing things on this website than what I have written. For example: In the book, Ralph and Jack never make out or…other things. But, obviously, there are fics about that. I'M NOT SAYING I DON'T APPROVE, I'm just saying, it's fanfiction, and it's AU. **

**Also, for me, Jack was sort of a protagonist. My favorite character was Roger, and that drove me to root more for Jack, so…yeah. And your last complaint against me, that was supposed to be addressed in the last chapter. Although, I doubt you'll ever read this again, unless you are a troll, which is debatable. My point is, I'm not going to stop writing because of what you think. I love writing. Some of my writing isn't for the faint of heart. In fact, most of my writing isn't even posted yet. If you don't like it, I don't mind. I LOVE WRITING. And that's all that matters. **

**Not to sound like a complaining, whining, self-centered little bitch (cuz I'm not one, I hope), but THERE. **

***Sticks tongue out***

**Sorry for acting like a three year old.**

**I'm also sorry that half of this chapter is comments made by me…I usually don't do this, I just felt I needed to…**

**ANYWAY…THANK YOU FOR READING! PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU HAVE THE TIME! THANKS TO ALL OF YOU KIND PEOPLE WHO DO, EVEN THE BAD REVIEWS! I LOVE YOU ALL ANYWAY!**


	7. Last

**Last chapter! It was a short run, but a good run. I'm glad I decided to post this.**

**Thanks all you guys who reviewed. You really made my day(s).**

**I hope you all continue to support me on my next grand endeavor…It's gonna be a wild ride, one that I've been practicing for for quite a while now. **

**Song:**

**C'est La Mort by The Civil Wars**

**I know I said I wasn't going to post the songs, but this one just fits so well….**

**Thanks again. **

**Over and Out,**

**-Kat-**

…**..**

Chapter Seven: Last

In the mirror, hazed and chipped from age, my reflection held the bottle of pills like it was filled with venomous snakes. If he held it too tight or shook it too hard, he might upset the serpent inside; yet, heavens forbid he held them with loose fingers, lest the vipers escape the bottle and wreak havoc on his already fragile mind. He looked a mess alright. The shadows dug hollows underneath his dark blue eyes. At one point, they might have been vivid with mischief. Now, they were dull with the prospects of this dreary world. It wasn't as fun as he thought it when he was a child.

I blinked, and he blinked with me. A tired, leery representation of myself, I thought, but more accurate than anything I'd ever seen. In the sink, the water rushed out of the tap, swirling like Charybdis. It was about midnight. I had just finished showering and cleaning up. My hands were covered in fresh bandages, white and stiff, and clasped between them with machine-like precision was that same bottle of pills my reflection so cherished. Sucking in a breath, I broke contact with the mirror and shifted my gaze to them.

If there really were any snakes in there, the bottle showed no sign of it.

I sighed.

I…I was ready. I'm ready to end this now.

Within a second, the cap was off and the pills were in my hand…oh God…I was really doing this. The breath started to hitch in my chest. But…I knew, didn't I? I knew as soon as Mrs. Cindy gave me these pills what I was going to do with them. It was just all too much…the dreams, my life. I wasn't learning anything! Ralph had said I would, but I just…just was done with this.

If I did this, right here, right now, I could…

…I could be with them forever.

Ralph and Roger and Simon and Maurice and Samneric and everyone else I'd left behind on that Godforsaken island. I'd even let Ralph be the leader this time. And I wouldn't even try to kill him.

Sucking in one last breath, I downed twenty of the things. Twenty never hurt anyone, did they? And if I was still alive in the morning, I could just add on five. Yeah, five for every night I survived. I capped the little bottle and chucked it into the shower, where it hit the pastel curtain with a muffled thud and rolled back to my feet. Frustrated, I kicked it away.

But it just kept coming back.

I left the bathroom after a while in a blundering daze, angry and sad and tired of everything. When I was in my bedroom, I slammed the door shut behind me and stumbled backwards. I fell into my desk first, then my dresser. Drawers opened about me, spilling their precious contents; a diary entry that I may have saved. A picture of the dearly departed. That metal plate with Ralph's name on it, fringed in my blood. If my parents heard me, they made no sign of it. I pulled away from the dresser; it followed me persistently, tilting onto the floor with a crash. My livelihood and belongings, everything I had once donned and shown with pride, spattered out like a flock of sheep without a shepherd. I tried to pull back the sheets on the bed, but the world was beginning to spin too fast. It twisted in ways it shouldn't have.

The sheets sucked me in.

I tried to escape…I really tried…

My arm outstretched, reaching one last time for the door.

I fell into a rumpled sea. Lying on my back, curved into a strange shape, I fell asleep.

And I started to dream

One last time.

A voice came to me

"This is a good island…"

I opened my eyes. Light twinkled and shimmered around me. I was…on the beach. Ralph sat on the old platform; clothes tattered from wear and hair mussed and dirty. He held s glittering shell in his hands, sparkling with ocean water. Just like he should be, I thought. He pushed the knot of blonde hair out of his pale blue eyes. They fixed on me.

"Jack," He stated plainly, "You're here."

"…" I'd run out of words long ago.

He continued anyway. "This is the last lesson. The most important one…" Ralph smiled, "I am going to teach you how to die."

"What?" I spoke at last. The word was dry on my tongue, hard to communicate.

"You're dying, Jack."

"I knew that."

"Then you shouldn't have asked." Ralph jumped off the platform and beckoned me forward. Then, when I was close, he ran.

Into the woods

Without hesitation, I followed him. Shadows stirred and tasted around my skin, drawing me in and urging me forward. I could see the light of the hollow in the distance. Tears streamed from my face, hot and sticky. I still had one last lesson to learn! I couldn't go…I couldn't…My breath stopped, but I kept on going somehow. My heart slowed, but I was still running. The hollow was getting closer, and in it, just barely visible, were the outlines of those I had left behind. They were waiting for me…I just had to get there.

Beat

Crows fluttered into the air, cursing and cawing at me in digust as I disturbed their peace

Beat

However fragile it may be…

Beat

I'll come to you

Whatever it takes

Beat

Across this darkness

There has to be that place

Where I can feel safe

Beat

You never left me after all

I never left you

You were right here

So wait

Just a little longer…

Beat

I can feel my heart. That one, final, pump.

The rest stopped long ago along with my worry.

…..

6:00 A.M. The alarm rang. Jack's mother yawned and pulled on her robe, heading out of the master suite with a drowsy slowness. She started to prepare breakfast, all according to schedule. She checked the clock again with young blue eyes. Apparently, Jack had inherited all of his good looks from her.

Jack was later than usual, she thought. Removing the eggs from the pan, she headed silently to her son's room. The door was closed tight. How strange. He usually left it open.

She pushed it open with careful fingers. Jack was lying on his bed, curled into a loose ball. He was utterly still, unmoving. He could've been sleeping in truth, he even smiled as if dreaming something sweet. That's why his mother thought him so…She smiled lovingly and quietly shut the door once more.

And let him sleep, _only if for a night._

…**.**

**I really hope you liked it. I loved writing it, and it was a nice change of pace for me, who's so used to writing comedy and action-packed killing sprees. I'm hoping to pack a little bit of everything into my next project, so this made a great practice run. **

**Thx for Reading n' Reviewing guys. And to all of you who followed along as well. It makes me really happy that some people actually care about this crap I write XD**

**Ok, So time for the big announcement.**

**My next big project is…**

**A LotF and Walking Dead crossover.**

**Yup.**

**That's right.**

**Zambies and a bunch of teenage boys.**

**What could go wrong.**

**See you soon…s**


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